The Evolution of Timberley

I am acknowledging that my life is not a fairytale; rather it is a tale that this is being lived by a fairy.  I have learned and am still learning how to live my life. 

I was the fragile woman

Crying all alone

Couldn’t seem to find peace

Lord, please this can’t be life

She feels like she’s failing as a wife

No job or stability to bring into her home

Age is the only thing that makes her feel grown

Disappointment left and right from all the No’s

Just once let her get a Yes

Growing up I was insecure about everything:

My hair

My eyebrows

My nails

My feet

My hips

My thighs

My lips

And eyes

Pretty much everything about me was a flaw

I just wasn’t comfortable with any part of me except my mind

I have become my own project

Knowing that loving myself before anyone or anything is the most powerful skill one can obtain

At this very moment, I love everything about me!

I am comfortable in my skin because I am internally at peace

...this evolution is still being televised so stay tuned...

Processing.... Please wait

Dear Jesus, 

Lately, I have been so depressed.  I have bill collectors calling every single day, student loans, my cable is off, my phone is off, I can not drive my truck because it has a flat tire and I cannot pay to get it fixed, also it has been super cold and the heat does not work.  This has been a trying time for me, I just seem to find myself moping around and losing all excitement in life.  Not to mention, my credit score is completely in the red zone, if that even exists.  "Living by faith and not by sight," is a lot easier said than done.  And I know I should be grateful for just waking up and the clothes on my back (which I am) but it is just so hard..  I have been really trying not to complain but in doing so I have been holding so much in and I have a headache almost everyday.  I know everyone has their own process and test that they go through but I am so aware at this time in my life and I don't know how to handle it.  I know you are all knowing so I really don't have to tell you all this, it just helps having someone to talk to.  Luckily for me, you are the God that put the sun, moon, and the stars in the sky.  You light up the sky and at the same time guides us through the night. So my low credit score and mile long debt doesn't and will never compare to the magnitudes of blessings you will bestow upon me. 

Ever feel like this has been the poster board of your life?  Anything you try to do gives you a hold please while this processes?  Yes, I know the feeling.  You're just frozen; at a standstill watching everyone else's life move forward, at least that's what it appears to be.  Sometimes as an outsider we are only able to see what someone chooses to reveal.  We may see the job promotion, or the call back for a part in a play or anything but what we won't see is the time, patience, and all the No's it took to get there.  You may be thinking you are the only one going through a tough time but YOU'RE NOT!  God never said it would happen over night or that it would be easy. 
And I recently read something that said "realize your lack could be just what you need for spiritual growth."  And that is EXACTLY how I feel.  I am at a tug-of-war spiritually.  I know I don't give enough time to God; spending and building my relationship with God.  I keep hearing this "how can I (God) trust you with a lot if I can't with a little?"  
So with that being said, I am giving God my whole heart, not just a piece.  He (God) will come second to none; no person, no thing.  It is not stuff that He longs after but my Heart.


God just wants your heart, so give it to Him.

Suffocating

I just gotta tell my story....

Often times we are suffocating due to an experience in our life. 

 I have heard many stories that have touched my heart.  It is one thing to go through something that was in your control but to have gone through a traumatic event were you were helpless, is something no one should ever experience.  I know an experience for me was losing my baby because it was ectopic.  I would never want anyone to go through what I did.  But God never makes a mistake and regardless of what we go through, He is right there by our side and most importantly, He STILL loves us! 


You're drowning, can't breathe, feels like you're surrounded by water 
Until you wake up with puffy eyes, only to realize your pillow soaked from the tears you cried 
Trying to understand the events of the past 
Not really letting go of the things that didn't last 
It's been twenty years, why does it still hurt me so? 
God said give it to me and just let it go 
I thought I forgave and put it all behind me but the people that did it are still defining me 
I am suffocated by the mistakes of others, done unto me 
This isn't fair Lord, I was only 3 
Was there something I could have done back then that would've allowed the 24 years old me to be set free? 
I don't want to suffocate anymore
I want my peace, sleep, and sanity back 
God please just take this heavy load off me
Allow me to grow up, mentally.
This is the hardest thing I've ever written  
But these words are like doves being released 
I'm free. No more pain.  Or suffocating 

Through words, many people feel a sense of relief and release.  I have gone through so much and am still in the midst of my process but through it all I have learned to remain patient.  "Trouble doesn't last always."  If I can just continue to p.u.s.h through this suffocating time in my life, I will soon be able to breathe again.  
Always remember that you are stronger than you think.  Strength is gained only after you're body has been pushed to its limit.  You're not alone; everyone has a story.  Being able to write or speak about it is liberating.  Let the paper be your therapist and just write.  

Just Breathe. 

A Message From My Mommy

"Don't just reside, LIVE in 2015!!!!

Find adventures that will take you away from your residency; a place of comfort and security.  Dare a little, embrace change, check out what's on the other side, climb that mountain, ride that bicycle, go ice skating, or even water skiing.   Try what looks to be the impossible.  Speak to someone that does not represent who you associate with.  Step out of your comfort standards.  Laugh at the unthinkable that you do, get a facial, go to the spa, try eating something that isn't your taste bud's diet.  Don't frown at someone that may not fit your level of expectation instead, offer encouragement. 
 We have to start making this world a better place to Live, and it begins with ME by not residing but taking a stand to LIVE and support others to LIVE.  
Each day is an opportunity to be better than yesterday.  Let's not just rise in the morning without purpose and meaning but fulfill a goal to make a difference to LIVE.

Afterall, we all are here to LIVE!"

I am so thankful for the support of my mother and all the she speaks into my life.  I took a chance with the birth of my blog.  Not knowing how it would be received or if anyone would ever read my blogs.  I now realize that I can't post a blog based on how many comments it will get rather, the way it helps me to express myself.  I know that if I post it, it will be read and that is enough for me.  I don't need anyone to tell me how great of a read it was and the number or reposts it gets.  I feel great and satisfied just knowing I had the courage to write what I felt and I sent it into the universe. 

Someone needs to read what I have to write, so I will never stop!!!

See Yourself

Often times we forget that we are the only ones that can control how we feel both internally and externally.  Grant it, getting compliments and verbal pushes are always nice to receive from people. But when it turns into something we seek to and for everything then that's when it becomes a crutch.  You see, others will always see us for what and how they perceive us.  Whether we agree with their opinion or not, it will always be there.  But the key is to see yourself.  

See yourself, not for what others told you how to look or what you look like but rather how you want to be seen.  Envision your hearts' desires being tangible; right at the tip of your fingertips!

If you want a mansion, see yourself in it.  Clip out interior and exterior designs of the mansion you want. The amount of bedrooms, bathroom, a swimming pool, etc.  

If you want to model, see yourself modeling on a runway or in a high fashion photoshoot.  

If you want to be a publlisher, begin writing and see yourself at your own book signing.

If we are constantly asking or waiting for someone to tell us about ourself then how do you ever expect to love yourself fully?  You will never be fully satisfied or happy.  Not only that, but you must also go further than just "seeing" and act on it.  Act on what you want.  You have to create how you see yourself!

"I came to win, to fight, to conquer, to thrive

I came to win, to survive, to prosper, to rise
To fly, to fly"

I see you. Do you?