Suffocating

I just gotta tell my story....

Often times we are suffocating due to an experience in our life. 

 I have heard many stories that have touched my heart.  It is one thing to go through something that was in your control but to have gone through a traumatic event were you were helpless, is something no one should ever experience.  I know an experience for me was losing my baby because it was ectopic.  I would never want anyone to go through what I did.  But God never makes a mistake and regardless of what we go through, He is right there by our side and most importantly, He STILL loves us! 


You're drowning, can't breathe, feels like you're surrounded by water 
Until you wake up with puffy eyes, only to realize your pillow soaked from the tears you cried 
Trying to understand the events of the past 
Not really letting go of the things that didn't last 
It's been twenty years, why does it still hurt me so? 
God said give it to me and just let it go 
I thought I forgave and put it all behind me but the people that did it are still defining me 
I am suffocated by the mistakes of others, done unto me 
This isn't fair Lord, I was only 3 
Was there something I could have done back then that would've allowed the 24 years old me to be set free? 
I don't want to suffocate anymore
I want my peace, sleep, and sanity back 
God please just take this heavy load off me
Allow me to grow up, mentally.
This is the hardest thing I've ever written  
But these words are like doves being released 
I'm free. No more pain.  Or suffocating 

Through words, many people feel a sense of relief and release.  I have gone through so much and am still in the midst of my process but through it all I have learned to remain patient.  "Trouble doesn't last always."  If I can just continue to p.u.s.h through this suffocating time in my life, I will soon be able to breathe again.  
Always remember that you are stronger than you think.  Strength is gained only after you're body has been pushed to its limit.  You're not alone; everyone has a story.  Being able to write or speak about it is liberating.  Let the paper be your therapist and just write.  

Just Breathe. 

A Message From My Mommy

"Don't just reside, LIVE in 2015!!!!

Find adventures that will take you away from your residency; a place of comfort and security.  Dare a little, embrace change, check out what's on the other side, climb that mountain, ride that bicycle, go ice skating, or even water skiing.   Try what looks to be the impossible.  Speak to someone that does not represent who you associate with.  Step out of your comfort standards.  Laugh at the unthinkable that you do, get a facial, go to the spa, try eating something that isn't your taste bud's diet.  Don't frown at someone that may not fit your level of expectation instead, offer encouragement. 
 We have to start making this world a better place to Live, and it begins with ME by not residing but taking a stand to LIVE and support others to LIVE.  
Each day is an opportunity to be better than yesterday.  Let's not just rise in the morning without purpose and meaning but fulfill a goal to make a difference to LIVE.

Afterall, we all are here to LIVE!"

I am so thankful for the support of my mother and all the she speaks into my life.  I took a chance with the birth of my blog.  Not knowing how it would be received or if anyone would ever read my blogs.  I now realize that I can't post a blog based on how many comments it will get rather, the way it helps me to express myself.  I know that if I post it, it will be read and that is enough for me.  I don't need anyone to tell me how great of a read it was and the number or reposts it gets.  I feel great and satisfied just knowing I had the courage to write what I felt and I sent it into the universe. 

Someone needs to read what I have to write, so I will never stop!!!

See Yourself

Often times we forget that we are the only ones that can control how we feel both internally and externally.  Grant it, getting compliments and verbal pushes are always nice to receive from people. But when it turns into something we seek to and for everything then that's when it becomes a crutch.  You see, others will always see us for what and how they perceive us.  Whether we agree with their opinion or not, it will always be there.  But the key is to see yourself.  

See yourself, not for what others told you how to look or what you look like but rather how you want to be seen.  Envision your hearts' desires being tangible; right at the tip of your fingertips!

If you want a mansion, see yourself in it.  Clip out interior and exterior designs of the mansion you want. The amount of bedrooms, bathroom, a swimming pool, etc.  

If you want to model, see yourself modeling on a runway or in a high fashion photoshoot.  

If you want to be a publlisher, begin writing and see yourself at your own book signing.

If we are constantly asking or waiting for someone to tell us about ourself then how do you ever expect to love yourself fully?  You will never be fully satisfied or happy.  Not only that, but you must also go further than just "seeing" and act on it.  Act on what you want.  You have to create how you see yourself!

"I came to win, to fight, to conquer, to thrive

I came to win, to survive, to prosper, to rise
To fly, to fly"

I see you. Do you?

Forgive

***Forgive yourself 

As my last blog for the year 2014, I am dedicating it to forgiveness.  As the year is nearing its end, my prayer and goal for this specific blog is that it reaches the masses!  I want each person who reads this to forgive.  Forgiveness is the hardest, most toughest thing anyone can do.  I know for myself, I have held on to a couple  of things that has happened in my life at a young age but it's time to forgive and let it go.  It has caused me to hate and at one point wish ill to the ones that hurt me and I had to ask for forgiveness.  I know now it was out of my control and those negative feelings I have towards them has only held me back from forgiving them, being great amd receiving ALL that God has for me.  I want you, reading this to first forgive yourself.  Forgive yourself for thinking you caused all the bad in your life.  Forgive yourself for thinking that you are worthless because of the mistakes you made.  Forgive yourself for believing that where you are in life is due to any lack of grace or favor.  That is in fact, the complete opposite.  You are great!  And if God has forgiven you even before you asked for it, you are worth it!  Let the blessings flow into your life.  Just forgive.  It is thee last day in 2014, we will never get this day back.  So make the best of it; send it off knowing that you have forgiven yourself and whomever else.  Enjoy the beginning of a new year and better YOU!!!! You are loved!

Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!

Signed 
- I FORGIVE YOU

I Wish I Wish I Wish ....

This time more than anything many people (myself included) begin sulking in the have nots and nagging because we don't have this or we don't have that. Christmas lists and wish lists are being written by children and adults.  Lists that consist of bikes, iPads, phones, TVs, cars, and everything else you and I would put on our lists that will give us momentary pleasure and joy.  By no means am I knocking the ones who are able to give and receive those gifts (as my time will soon be here) but I have other items I must put on my list first.  The last two Christmas' we didn't have a tree but we had breath in our bodies', a great meal to eat, a nice fire to lay by, a TV to watch, and each other.  And of course it would have been lovely to give and receive gifts but we were thankful anyhow.  But this year we still don't have a tree but we have lights which is just a good for me.  I've been delaying to write this blog based on my own laziness but I'm glad I'm doing it now.  

I am now aware that I have to be thankful for my vision.  I have wasted so much energy worrying about the wrong things that God could have snatched my vision right from me but Thank God He didn't.  I'm alive to fight another battle and to focus on my vision.  

So this year my Christmas Wish list will read as follows:

#1.  Motivation every breathing moment to remain focused on my vision

#2.  Be obedient to God's words 

#3.  Bless others this Christmas with what I do have

#4.  Fight this battle knowing I am already victorious

#5.  Protection over my marriage, family, money, career, and friendships once I have been blessed

#6.  Remain humble as I achieve and check my goals off

And last but not least...

#7.  Acknowledge God for EVERY BLESSING AND BREAKTHROUGH that is getting ready to overwhelm my life for the rest of my life!!!! 

OMG, SNAP OUT OF IT!

You ever just be so consumed by the negative going around you that you purposely "shoo" away the positive reminders for pity?  Omg, this space that I am in is that exact thing.  Frustration, depression, sadness, anger, just all the bad feelings.. I hate it.
But I am not here to encourage that behavior.  Instead, just laugh.

Laugh through it.  It WILL be okay!  God never said the storm will last forever.  Therefore, dust yourself off and keep it pushing.  I am going through my process right now, and God knows I did not expect it to be this long but I know it will only make me that much stronger and appreciate my victory!

So let your smile shine today!  Snap out of it.

Don't Give Up, STAY TUNED!

Have you ever been teased?  You know like when you're birthday is approaching so you make your list of your heart's desires/gifts.  Ok, so after you make the list let's say you give it to that one person you know will get you just about everything on that list.  Now, in the meantime you have to just wait and see.  But you wait hopefully with expectation.  So, the person you gave the list to has not mumbled a word about it until you ask.  Instead of a simple "yes, you're getting everything" you get a tease.  Just a short tease of what's to come and that keeps you excited because you know it's going to be great! 

That is just how God works! He knows your hearts' desires, needs and wants.  But He doesn't tell us how to wait.  We will either wait helplessly as a victim of life not going your way or hopefully in expectation of your Blessings!

So in the meantime, make the most of your time.  It will be mean, it will be hard, it will be long, but most importantly, it will be worth it!  Be faithful to your mission, carry that tease with you so that during the storm you will be able to wait with excitement. And while you are waiting, worship.  Thank God with acknowledgement of the great things to come.

Don't Give Up, STAY TUNED!!!!